Get ready for an exciting event.  Join us for a fun and educational seminar dealing with healthy relationships.  You will be inspired as you interact with other couples and singles participating in a relationship feud game and solving a highly charged mystery.  You will enough a tasty lunch while solving this cliff hanger.  Mark your calendar for February 23, 2013.  Place to be announced soon.

For information call Minerva at 252 258-3522 or leave a note at the website.

Today, this song by Harold Melvin/the Blue Notes, “Wake Up Everybody” kept dancing in my head. Here is a little of it:

Wake up everybody no more sleepin in bed

No more backward thinkin time for thinkin ahead

The world has changed so very much

From what it used to be so

there is so much hatred war an' poverty

Wake up all the teachers time to teach a new way

Maybe then they'll listen to whatcha have to say

Cause they're the ones who's coming up and the world is in their hands

when you teach the children teach em the very best you can.

Wake up everybody. We need a call for action. We need to stuff this song in our hearts.

It appears that if we just sleep walk, just go with the flow, we are headed off a cliff.

What happened to the days when neighbors helped neighbors, when corporations did things in the community to lift up the community, rather than using their money to influence politics?

Why is it so hard for adults to work together, yet we admonish children to speak with civility, not be angry, not to fight, work together in a cooperative spirit, etc.

We hear the ministers talk about the ways of Jesus,

yet they do not advocate for the social programs that could help to change lives of women and children.

No one person or institution is to blame for the plight of the country by themselves, however, we can speak out for fairness. As the song says, “There is no time for backward thinking; it’s time for thinking ahead.”

Let’s join hand with common purpose, realizing that when the least of us improve our lot in life, we all win!

Ugly, fatso, stupid, fag, nappy, black, nerd, weird, bad, lazy, crybaby, dummy, loser, moron, sissy, chicken, etc.  What do these words have in common?  They are small words, with big implications.  They hurt!  Children were taught, “Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt.” However, they can surely break hearts.  The truth is, harsh and mean spirited words can be just as deadly to our self esteem as weapons drawn against us.

According to scriptures,  In Ephesians 4:19, Paul reminds us,  it is okay to be angry, but don't sin--don't use damaging words, condemn or tear down someone's self-esteem.  The sin doesn't lie in the expression of anger, but in the way we use it.  We can choose to express anger in healthy or unhealthy ways--in ways that heal or hurt.  There is a difference between getting angry and being an angry person.  When the expression of anger dominates our life and personality we are no longer a person with anger, but an angry person. 

Proverbs 12:18 says, "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." Reckless words can rip the ones we love into pieces.  Words that build up and are patient, kind, good, gentle and loving create peace. 

James 3:2-12 says the human tongue can do so much damage. It can ruin friendships, cause misunderstandings and put a wall between brothers and sisters. We have all been guilty of saying hurtful things. We must be ever mindful that what we say can damage and cause divisions. Before speaking, remember; words can ruin. Words can damage; words can kill. Words can demolish reputations and destroy relationships.

Consequently, Stop! Think Before You Speak:  Words Can Hurt.  Below are a few suggestions to help you avoid saying something you might regret. 

·         Step back from the situation to help you to quiet your emotions.

 

Remember the Golden Rule:  Do unto other as you will have others do unto you. Also as mom use to stay, "If you can't say anything good about a person, keep you mouth shut!"

Do not grieve, for I am not there, the poet encourages us to not stand by our loved ones grave and grieve.  However grieve we must.  We grieve the loss of the person. We grieve for the things they left undone.   We grieve for the glorious times we shared, then we grieve for ourselves. 

Losing someone you love is very difficult. Often times it opens up wounds that were scabbed over long ago, then past hurt and pain comes rushing back to the surface and the wound is torn open like it happened yesterday.  Why was this sore not dealt with?  In some cultures, the rule is to say nothing, hold your piece, just get through this period and all will be well.  Unfortunately, it does not work.   It is as important to go through pain as it is the joys of life.  While grief is a personal experience, unique to each family member and unique to the loss of a parent, a sibling, a child, or extended family members, each person must find their own coping strategies.  The following strategies provide a few suggestions to help you ride out the emotional waves as you cope with your grief.

Helpguide.org. provides some great tips to help you ride out your storm.  First and for most, take care of yourself.  The stress of a major loss can quickly deplete your energy and emotional reserves. Looking after your physical and emotional needs will help you get through this difficult time.

Social Media:  Friend or Foe?

I decided to search my name on the web and I was surprise about the information that was out there.  It is giving me an opportunity to assess what I should keep in the public domain or reserve some information for private/personal friends to see.  Technology has created a means for people to sit at home and be connected to millions of people with the click and send bottom.  We can now share our feelings and frustrations about family, friends, co-workers, relationships, and a night out with the girls or guys, your imagination is the limit. As we sit typing and clicking, sometimes we might even dramatize an event or a mood.  For example, “I need a drink after dealing with my boss today.”  “I am going to kill myself if I get another call from my Ex.” Or “I have been up all night doing my thing; I do not know how I am going to get through the day.”  So the question is would you want potential employers to get to know you through social media? Would you want to lose a potential roommate because they or their parents have searched the web and found questionable information about you?  Think about ways you can build an online profile that will help you obtain a job, advance your goals in other areas of your life, rather than causing a door to be slam!

What can be done to clean up potential problems on social media sites?

1.      Check out what’s on your site.  Is it painting a true and responsible picture of you?

2.      Material you just want your friends to see should be set up with privacy settings.

3.      If you have pictures of a “wild night” of partying, beers drinking, etc., remove them from the public domain.

4.      Remove posts of a “personal nature” from the public domain.

5.      Be careful of who you “friend”, especially clients, students, or business customers.

6.      Remember, we are linked-in to the world through our friends! Do we want others to know we have friends with a questionable past?

Therefore, using a search engine such as Yahoo, Google, Bing yourself, assess your information, is it the find of profile you want potential business associates, employers, and people you have intimate relationship to make of you.

On this Father’s Day weekend, we want to salute dads, fathers, step dads, and other men who influence children. 

In this pop culture that tends to trump traditional values, we are perplexed on every hand.  Marriage and responsibility appears to be a thing of the past.  We are now into “self” and doing things our way.  Often times not thinking what’s best for the children in our charge. We spend most of our time trying to find ourselves.  I suggest you are not lost.  Perhaps you are scared of responsibility or failing your children.  Children however, accept their parents with all their strengths and short comings.  I would encourage dads to “just” be there for their children.  The rewards are immeasurable.

Children, who grow up with an involved father, benefit in numerous ways:

·         They have a better sense of self

·         They are more goal oriented

·         They get into less trouble with the police

·         They tend not to get involved in gang activities

·         They tend to be in better relationships

·         Girls do not get pregnant as often as girls in fatherless home

·         Children tend not to be in abusive relationships

·         Children are less likely to commit suicide

·         Studies show that families tend to benefit financially, emotionally and spiritually from dads presence.  So dads, stay involve with your children.  Spend quality time with them, set a good example, and respect the mother of your children, even when it is hard to do. Support your children even when you are not in their lives on a regular basis. 

I encourage men to do some soul searching about your relationship with your children.  If things are not right, you can fix it.  Think of Bob the Builder, "Yes you can!"

A relationship can be just as hazardous to your health as smoking, obesity, stress or not getting treatment for a disease.  Just like these medical issues, the impact of a toxic relationship gradually takes its toll on one’s physical, mental, and psychosocial health. 

Dr. Lillian Glass, author of Toxic People, describes a toxic person as "anyone who manages to drag you down, make you feel angry, worn out, deflated, belittled or confused." It may be difficult for people to admit they are in a toxic relationship, because they are intelligent, self-sufficient individuals in other aspects of their lives.

You could have toxic friends, colleagues, partners, bosses, parents, etc. Be aware of some of the danger signs of a toxic relationship in order to get out.

In order to get out of a toxic relationship, the person being controlled needs to gather supporters who will help her feel safe and secure. She will need a safe haven, because when she leaves he may try very hard to get her back by using charm or threats. Often times a woman will need to be involved with the police and the court system, as her partner can become very violent.  There are many resources available in communities such as safe houses, support groups, court advocates, etc.  There are programs for children as well.  Children are also impacted by these relationships.

Remember:  Just as physical pain need attention, so does the emotional pain of a toxic relationship.